Savannah Boulevard. Three million years ago. A tribe of apes led by BMFA (Samuel L. Jackson) discovers a Pepsi machine newly arrived in their camp. The machine's vital succor endows the apes with knowledge of warfare and caffeine addiction. Cue Techno remix of Thus Spake Zarathustra. Extended battle sequence (more than 80% overcranked) ensues. Enemy apes flee in slow motion the explosions from BMFA's tribe.
    In triumph, BMFA hurls a spent can into the sky. In a brilliant cut, the can becomes an orbiting nuclear bomb platform, which promptly explodes. This ignites the Third World War. Extended montage of the destruction of modern civilization.
    The few tattered remnants of humanity land on the moon, where they uncover the Pepsilith, which points to a similar structure in orbit of Jupiter. They dispatch a spaceship, the Mediocracy, to investigate. The ship is commanded by David Bowman (Jude Law), whose second-in-command is the copiously-endowed Francine Poole (Angelina Jolie). (Shots set in low gravity can profit from this.) The ship's computer is HAL (voiced by John Travolta).
    HAL dives the ship toward Europa in a suicidal plunge. Given the size of the moon, the descent is rather lengthy, and thus Dave and Francine have a good eight minutes to embrace before attempting to do something about the situation. They gun their way into HAL's central processing unit and disable him piece by piece. At this point he sings the wildly popular hit single "Oops, I did it again!"
    The Mediocracy crashes on Europa and the two survivors form the beginnings of a race of superhuman Europans. They pass through the Star Gate and, after potential legal action from copyright holders for the television show, reach the end of the universe, where Francine gives birth to the Star Child (Dakota Fanning).

    The concept is very deep. I like the cast and the numerous explosions. I think, however, that the audience might feel ripped-off with only one intimate scene in the film.
    Is there any possibility that the apes can invent cruise missiles as well as gunpowder?
    I would like to incorporate Brad Pitt into this picture somehow. Perhaps one of the apes?
    How many guns does the spaceship Mediocracy carry, and how big are they?
-J.B.